Refuse2BFeeble is about people who fight back from the disabilities that try to hold them down. I am so very proud of Nik who decided not only to fight back, but to share her story in order to help others. Below is her story and please feel free to express your support in her fight. It’s good to know that others are praying for you. God Bless.
BY: Nicole Pelletier
When I was in rehab due to many years of suffering from drug addiction they had me do an expressive therapy project. It was to take a terra cotta pot and put it into a bag and smash it with a hammer. The point of this project was to try and glue it back together afterwards. I have to be honest before beginning this project I was rather frustrated because I felt it was a dumb project. I interpreted things once broken can never be put back together in the same way again.
I found it to be kind of depressing actually. Anyway, I went along and smashed my pot and did the best I could to glue the pieces back together into a pot . After I was rather surprised to see that I did a pretty darn good job and got my whole pot back together with the exception of a small little hole. I chose to leave the hole opened as I viewed it as symbolic to the part of me I’d be leaving behind in my newfound sobriety because for years I identified as an addict.
After the pot dried we decorated them with glitter and paint etc. Once we finished we were asked to think about the project and see how we felt about it. Afterwards I reevaluated the project and it turned out to be one of my favorites because although I used to believe that once somethings been broken it will never be the same again. However, this project made me realize once somethings been broken it can be REPAIRED.
I actually liked my finished pot better than I did when I started, it was symbolic to myself. I felt in my recovery because although I’ve accepted I’ll never be the same in my sobriety as I had been in my active addiction. I realized that just like me my pot was “Perfectly Broken !! ”
Today I’m regaining all I’ve lost and repairing my life to more than I could have ever imagined. Viewing myself as “Perfectly Broken” helped me accept that I’m an addict and I always will be. But, as long as I am active in my sobriety, I will not return to active addiction. Also, the thoughts in early sobriety of never again in my life be able to use drugs or drink alcohol is overwhelming, but I am “Perfectly Broken” just the way God intended me to be and today I’m proud to say that.
The program of NA did not open the doors to heaven and let me in, they opened the gates to hell and let me out….